


Not the Weather

by Raine_Wynd



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Episode Related, Episode Tag, Gen, Lyric Wheel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-04-14
Updated: 2003-04-14
Packaged: 2017-10-08 15:35:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/77131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raine_Wynd/pseuds/Raine_Wynd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the drive back from L.A., Faith and Willow have a conversation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not the Weather

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the first Buffy Lyric Wheel. Lyrics courtesy of Lore. Sorry, Lore, this isn't probably what you're hoping for, but the music said something different to me.
> 
> I don't consider Angel and Buffy to be separate shows since they're in the same universe. Spoilers lie ahead (Angel season four, post Orpheus, and final season of Buffy). Caveat lector.
> 
> Many, many thanks to Nevada for beta-reading this story, correcting my verb tenses and grammar, and making me think about what I'm writing – in a good way.

Faith remembers a different Willow, one who was quicker to babble than the one who is behind the wheel of a late-model Chevy, competently driving with the stereo playing a mix CD of artists Faith can't name, had never heard before, and probably won't remember come morning. The beat is good, though, perfect for driving, and Faith finds herself wondering if Willow would tell her more than she ever needed to know about the band, if she were to ask. She doesn't ask, doesn't want to break this companionable silence that filled the last twenty minutes since they left the Hyperion. Some not-so-small part of Faith is afraid that if she breaks the silence, all the hurtful things the other woman could say would come spilling out, and Faith would be left with no defense.

Instinctively, though, Faith knows that just as she's changed, so has Willow. The Willow Faith recalls was nowhere near the assured, confident witch Faith met less than 36 hours ago. She'd always thought of Willow as a kind of shadow to Buffy, someone who could look stuff up but never quite was a fighter in her own right. The Willow Faith remembers was someone whose ass she could easily kick, someone whose magic wouldn't be anything worth mentioning. Faith knows she wouldn't make the same assumption now. For a moment, Faith wonders who else has changed, wonders what kind of welcoming — if any — she'll get when she gets to Sunnydale. The dreams she's had lately have told her that she's needed, that she wants to live, wants to keep on kicking ass, but they haven't exactly given her much hope.

Faith wants badly to believe that what she's going to face is worth living for, but she's not altogether sure Willow's going to give her the strength she needs. It hurts to admit that weakness: she'd made a habit out of believing that she didn't need to lean on others, didn't need someone else to give her anything. The last few days, though, have proven one thing: she couldn't have faced Angelus alone. She isn't entirely sure, either, that she's quite ready for what life is going to throw at her next, but as was true of all of her life, what lay ahead had to be better than what she'd left behind, and if it was worse, well, she knew how to handle worse. She sighs without realizing it, wishing desperately that she could believe that her life wouldn't be more than trying to survive. Wishing, really, that she wasn't just leaving the only people she knew believed she'd done something good, something worth celebrating, to go and fight alongside the people who remembered her best at her worst.

For a moment, she wonders why she's here, in this car, headed for a destination known, a fate certain, and straight into another apocalypse. Then she chuckles sardonically. She's a Slayer; she was born to die fighting. There's little else she knows how to do well, save for getting fucked and fucking up, and she's tired of that. She sighs again, more deeply this time, and tries to settle more comfortably in the too-stiff cushion of the bucket seat.

"You OK over there?" Willow asks, glancing in Faith's direction. The car is dark, the highway not well lit, but there's just enough illumination that Faith can make out her features.

"Yeah." Faith hesitates, finally finds the words to name the restlessness crawling through her, making her want to jump out of the car. She knows to do so would hurt her physically, but death has never frightened her. There's trouble ahead, too much darkness, and maybe if she left now the night would lose all sense of fear, of foreboding. She feels naked, stripped to the bone despite her success with facing up to the fact that she hadn't wanted to give up and die like she'd always thought she would, if given the chance to die a Slayer. Despite the warmth of the car's heater, she shivers a bit and pulls the edges of the too-new denim jacket closer together.

"Just...it's weird to be going back to Sunnydale. I guess I kinda thought I'd be in L.A. for a while."

"I can imagine. I wasn't expecting to come here, either, not with everything going on." Willow glances at Faith, shrugs. "I don't mind. I just wish they'd called me sooner — I would've found a way to keep Angel's soul from getting misplaced."

"You're like major wicked with the witchiness now, huh?"

"Yeah." There's a certain sadness in the acknowledgement Faith isn't sure how to touch, so she doesn't, and silence falls again save for the sound of a haunting soprano backed by a rhythm guitar coming out of the speakers.

When Willow speaks again, several miles later, Faith has to turn the volume of the stereo back down.

"Sometimes, when I get out on the highway like this, I think about never coming back."

"So why don't you?"

Willow doesn't answer for a moment. It worries Faith more than she's willing to admit, that the woman behind the wheel isn't as quick to speak as Faith wants her to be. It's just one more sign of how things have changed, and Faith isn't sure she likes the constant reminder.

"I had it all figured out, once. I was going to go off to college, go to Harvard." Willow sounds faintly wistful, as if it's a dream she hasn't quite let go of, but knows she will never get a chance to make it come true.

"What stopped you? You've always been the brainy one."

"I used to think it was because Buffy needed me." Willow shrugs. "Then it was because Tara was there." Willow takes a breath. "Tara was... Tara made me believe I could do anything, be anything. Now, now — I'm not sure, except that Sunnydale is where I'm needed. It's home." She keeps her eyes on the road, doesn't look at Faith. "You could take off, y'know. No one would know. They just know that something happened in L.A. and my help was needed."

"You honestly think anyone would believe you if you told them I took a hike?"

"Maybe."

The answer doesn't come as quickly as Faith would have expected, nor was it the one she expected. "Why are you offering?" Faith probed. "You don't think Buffy's gonna freak out when I show up, do you?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know. I used to know." Willow stops, exhales deeply. "I called the house and said we were coming back, but Buffy didn't take the call. I'm not sure if the message got relayed or not."

"You don't know? Why don't you know? I always thought the two of you were best friends."

"Until I brought her back from the dead and pulled her out of heaven we were." Willow's voice is flat, resigned.

"You what?"

"Didn't Wesley tell you? Didn't you feel something happen? Buffy died a second time, about a year ago."

Faith inhales deeply. She'd known she'd suddenly gotten a hell of a lot stronger, and the Slayer-related dreams had been more intense than they used to be, but she'd shrugged them off, told herself Buffy could handle whatever trouble was out there. It hadn't occurred to her that Buffy had died, and all Wes had told her was that Buffy had problems of her own, that she couldn't have dealt with Angelus this time. Faith digests this information, then asks, "So you couldn't have just let her be? We're Slayers — we're supposed to die young; that's part of the job description. We don't get to live forever...just heal faster and hurt more often than you, if you aren't fighting the demons, too."

"I know — we knew that." Willow's voice is soft, regretful. "We were just were so sure she was in hell, so Anya, Xander, and I found the spell to resurrect her. Except we didn't check to see if she was actually in a hell dimension or not, we just assumed she had to be. She jumped, you see, to close a portal into a hell dimension."

"And she wasn't?"

"She doesn't think so. She doesn't talk about it much, but then Xander released a demon who made everyone sing and dance and the truth...just came out."

"I would've assumed she'd go to heaven." Willow flinches a bit at the remark, and Faith instantly feels bad for it. "Sorry, but I would have. She never murdered anyone."

"Yeah, well, grief does strange things to people."

There's nothing Faith can say to that, except for, "I heard that can happen."

Willow shrugs again. "We didn't think, either, about how the line of succession's through you - that when you die, the next Slayer gets activated. Or at least, that's how it was supposed to work."

"And now?"

"Now, if Buffy dies, there's a chance one of the Potentials get called. It's...fucked up."

"When isn't it in Sunny D?" Faith retorts. "Seems like I remember B saying that it's not the weather that'll make you crazy, it's the having to save the world before midnight on Tuesday."

"You could still back out, you know." Willow stops the car a half hour outside of town, and turns on the dome light.

"Scared, Willow? Think I can't cut it?"

"You didn't see Spike after the First got through with him. You weren't there to patch Xander up. Last anyone knew you, you were helping the Mayor and using Buffy's body. So no, it's not that I don't think you can cut it, I just don't know if everyone else is ready to believe people —" Willow glances at Faith, hesitates. "That you can change, that you have changed. There's been so much of that happening, lately. No one's who anyone thought they were." She snorts. "Someone keeps forgetting that we're not in high school anymore."

Faith's hand is on the door latch; her other hand is on her seatbelt. She hadn't locked the door, and the car wasn't the kind that automatically locked the doors when it was put into gear. One small wrist motion, and she can escape. Just like she'd escaped all those times before, when things got too rough for her to handle. Out of the corner of her eye, she notes that Willow is staring steadfastly ahead.

Faith lets go of the door latch and the seatbelt release, turns slightly in her seat to face Willow as a snippet of conversation pops into her head. That, combined with the sudden edge in Willow's voice, makes Faith stop. For a moment, Faith assesses the other woman, seeing a weary bitterness in her that she hadn't noticed before.

"Let me guess, B was so shocked to discover just what an angry bitch you can be. She didn't remember you gotta always watch out for the quiet ones."

Startled, Willow looks at Faith.

Faith smiles humorlessly. "Must've shook you up something big to find out they still believed in you. Maybe B didn't want to make the same mistake she made with me. Maybe what you did was worse than anything I could've dreamed of. Oh, yeah, don't look so startled - Wes mentioned you'd become this Big Bad until Xander stopped you."

"He mentioned crayons," Willow says in a small voice. "I didn't remember. Not anything, not anyone. I just...."

"Didn't want to think about what was going to happen?" Faith asks wryly. "Or thought you had it all figured out?" From the way Willow's hands suddenly tighten on the wheel, Faith knows she's scored a direct hit. "I can't claim innocence with evil — I don't think any of us can, really, not anymore, least from what I heard from Wes earlier and what you told me. So if you're scared, Willow, whatever we're up against is kick-ass B-A-D." Faith grinned. "But you're not alone here. You got me, a whole bunch of Potentials, B, and the Scooby Gang. Way I figure it, the odds are on our side."

Willow chuckles. "Rah, rah, go team go from the Slayer no one expected?"

"If you wanna see it that way, sure. I got nowhere else to go, and I'm not going back. Not giving up, either. So, girlfriend, you'd better put that car in gear before I decide I'm better off walking into town and showing up that way."

"I'm not your girlfriend, Faith," Willow retorts sharply. From the suddenly sheepish look on her face, Faith knows that she didn't quite intend to speak so harshly.

Faith laughs. "Don't worry about it, Willow. I'll get over my heartbreak later."

"I didn't realize you were—" Willow starts, only to take another look at Faith and realizes that she's been had. Suddenly, she chuckles as she puts the car back into gear. "You know, Xander bet you and Buffy were doing it, back before you went rogue."

Amused, Faith leans back in her seat as Willow pulls the car onto the highway. "Yeah, well, I seem to remember he never won anything he bet. So, tell me, why the hell did Buffy rescue Spike? Last I knew he was still a soulless vamp."

"Long story," Willow counters, then proceeds to hit the highlights, managing to catch Faith up even more with recent history. She ends with, "Never thought I'd say this, but — I'm glad you're here, Faith."

Faith quirks an eyebrow. "Maybe I should've just given up when I had the chance," she jokes. "That sounded damned serious, like get-the-hell-out-of-Dodge-while-you-can."

"Too late now, my pretty," Willow retorts. "You had your chance back there and you blew it."

"Not from where I'm sitting," Faith murmurs, half to herself. "Not from where I'm sitting."

Finis  
April 12, 2003  
Comments always welcome.

Lyrics used starred below.

Leather  
Sung by Tori Amos

look i'm standing naked before you  
don't you want more than my sex  
i can scream as loud as your last one  
* but i can't claim innocence

oh god could it be the weather  
oh god why am i here  
if love isn't forever  
* and it's not the weather  
hand me my leather

i could just pretend that you love me  
*the night would lose all sense of fear but why do i need you to love me  
when you can't hold what i hold dear

oh god could it be the weather  
oh god why am i here  
if love isn't forever  
and it's not the weather  
hand me my leather

i almost ran over an angel  
he had a nice big fat cigar  
"In a sense," he said, "you're alone here so if you jump you best jump far"

oh god could it be the weather  
oh god why am i here  
if love isn't forever  
and it's not the weather  
oh god could it be the weather  
oh god its all very clear  
if love isn't forever  
and it's not the weather  
hand me my leather


End file.
